San Miguel, “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

San Miguel, “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Oh, San Miguel de Allende. I know it was terrible of me to break up with you on Valentine’s Day, but I couldn’t keep my feelings inside any longer. I hope you understand.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I was in the middle of the biggest change of my life, when we met.  Actually, I did what I always do. I fell in love too easily with you….BEFORE WE EVER MET.  I had heard about you from others, how amazing you were. And then we started chatting online. You sent me your pictures. I was sold, head over heels in love. And so, I moved in with you….BEFORE WE EVER MET.

san miguel it's not you, it's me

And the minute we did meet, I was smitten by you. You have the softest light. Golden light that caused me to see the world again…in a different way. Your colors touched my heart, the warm smiles that you gave were like a hug to my soul. You whispered sonnets in another language in my ear, you sang songs of love late into the night, and you fed me. Yes, you fed my hunger with your spice, your heat, and your earthiness.

Pastor San Miguel de Allende

 So, really…

It’s not you, it’s me.

You taught me to rest, and not to worry about time. I learned that mañana could mean anything from tomorrow (Ha! Highly unlikely..) to three weeks from now (if you’re lucky!).  You accepted me just how I was and accepted my imperfect and flawed self.  And you didn’t just accept my imperfections, but you taught me to accept them, too. You taught me to know myself in a way that I never had before.

But, San Miguel, I soon came to see that you are so much older than me. And I’m not saying that you are too old for me. I’m saying that maybe I’m too young for you. I still have wanderlust deep inside me. I want to leave everywhere I go even though I know there is nowhere better.

san miguel de allende it's not you, it's me

Before I came, someone told me that you reminded them of what Paris in the 20’s must have been like.  All I can say, is they must have gotten you confused with Paris, Las Vegas. No, but seriously San Miguel, you are looking for someone to settle down with. And I’m just not ready for that. So San Miguel,

It’s not you, it’s me.

Yes, it’s true. I’m headed back to an old love. Thailand captured my heart a long time ago. And, I can’t stop thinking about that love. That love that smells like pandanus and jasmine. That love whose landscape tempts me with its beaches and jungles, mountains and waterfalls.  That love whose sultry heat and varied flavors always reminds me of what it was I didn’t know that I desired in the first place.

But, please don’t be jealous. I’m not rushing back to Thailand immediately. No, it’s time for me to be on my own for a while and explore loves that I have heard about and always wanted to meet.  It’s time to go watch the fishermen of Crete, taste the flavors of Sicily, swim in the waters of Sardinia, hike the hills of Cinque Terre, dance once again on the shores of Ibiza, be tempted in the spice markets of Morocco, watch the boats in Lisbon, and walk the steps of my ancestors in Scotland and Ireland.  And I will probably fall in love 19 1/2 times before I ever make it to Thailand. Because I want to love everything and everyone, and I do.

san miguel de allende it's not you, it's me

For if there is something that travel has taught me, it is this. So many out there are looking for their soulmate or “the one.” But, I have fallen in love with the whole world. For how can I love another if I can’t love the way the breeze is caressing my check? Or the way it feels to lie in the grass or the way the woman who sits on my street and asks for money every day still has hope in her eyes?

So, San Miguel, it’s time. It’s time for me to leave you and go see more of this beautiful world that I’m so in love with.

It’s not you, it’s me.

And, oh, San Miguel, I’m more in love with you than ever. Because you have given me the greatest gift. When I told you it was time to part? What did you do, but whisper in my ear, “Go, and see the world for me.” you said. “I have taught you well.”

(Yes, it’s true.  San Miguel has taught me to follow my heart, and I decided on Valentine’s Day to do just that. I won’t be coming back to San Miguel. I leave in March to go explore Europe until June, and I am then relocating to have adventures in Thailand and the rest of the world!)